


If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now

by JulesSchuman



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Development, F/M, I hate Ricky Bowen’s mother, IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO, Jealous Nini Salazar-Roberts, Let’s be honest Ricky isn’t the only one to blame for their break up, Main idea, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Oh and Rina is never a thing, Ricky Bowen Needs A Hug (HSMTMTS), Rina is NOT endgame, even if what he did sucks, just Nini thinking it is, main focus is Rini
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:14:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29648382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulesSchuman/pseuds/JulesSchuman
Summary: “She shouldn’t have pushed him. He should’ve explained his fear. She shouldn’t of tried to ignore and bury her hurt by dating another guy when she loved another. He shouldn’t have run away. So many should’ve and shouldn’ts she was sick of it.”OrNini walks in on Ricky singing to Gina leaving her confused and heartbroken. The final nail in the coffin and she’s forced to admit, not only to herself but to Kourtney, that not everything is black and white. That while Ricky played a big part in their break up, she played a huge part in hurting their already fractured friendship.
Relationships: Ashlyn Caswell & E.J. Caswell, Ricky Bowen & Gina Porter, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	1. If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now

**Author's Note:**

> Picks up at episode 6, after E.J’s confessional and Nini fleeing after finding Ricky and Gina together.

“I messed up Kourt!” Nini felt the panic welling up inside her, twisting her insides leaving a painful and bitter pill for her to swallow. If she was being honest with herself, which she was because ignoring the issue and hoping it would go away hadn’t worked the first time around, she had more than messed up. 

“Neens,” It was obvious Kourt was trying to be patient. The issue was, Nini had been saying the same sentence or variation of for the past 5 minutes. _I messed up, I really messed up, I made a mess of everything._

It was how Kourt found herself being practically dragging from the school’s courtyard all the way to her best friend's house to talk about... well, whatever Nini was trying to talk about instead of the “forest of boys” incident that had occurred not 30 minutes earlier. 

“I just, I get it now Kourt and I’m so mad at myself.” Nini bit into her lip and willed away the anxiety and fear that she’d push her and Ricky’s romantic (and platonic) relationship past the point of repair.

“Neens!” Her best friend cut her off. “Slow down, messed up what?”

“Everything Kourt! I realize now that yeah it sucks that Ricky didn’t say he loved me back. It stung. No. No, it fucking burned. But I’m thinking about it now and, God,” Nini scoffed and shook her head. “If the roles were reversed I wouldn’t have wanted him to hold it over my head that I wasn’t ready to say those three words.”

“Maybe. But did you forget he literally paused your relationship? He tried to pull a Ross and Rachel on you.”

“No. no,” Nini lifted her pointer finger in challenge. “He was honest about his expectations for a break. I’m not excusing his tip-toeing around why he couldn’t say it. I know now about his parents and understand-“

Kourt went to interrupt and fought to ignore the part of her that wanted to shake Nini, but was stopped by the pleading look in her best friend’s eyes. A look that pleaded for her to try and understand.

“Kourt, please... I’m not saying it’s an excuse to lie to me by omission but, we’re teens and it’s understandable and normal not to know how to deal with it. How to explain why and how you feel to another person when you barely know yourself.”

“Ok.” Kourt waived her metaphorical white flag. As much as she hated to admit it, it was true. Even though He was the boy who broke her best friend’s heart, there was another valid side to the story. “No, I get it. I don’t like it but I get it.”

A long pause. Kourt continued still unsure why Nini suddenly brought all this up. “Nini, why are we here?”

Nini could feel the eyes trained on her but couldn’t bring herself to turn away from the window she stared out of. She sniffed unable to completely hide the pain from her voice and the physical evidence that she was losing the battle and that her tears were winning. Wiping them away, she fought the urge to hide and ignore. That coping technique had gotten her into enough trouble. Facing her best friend she laid everything out. Her heart so bare she felt naked. 

Despite her blurred vision, she knew she was staring right into her best friend's eyes as she admitted her true feelings.

“I used E.J to try and get over Ricky. I didn’t mean to but I did. But I realize now I can’t get over Ricky. I can’t because he’s it, he’s my one, there can’t be anyone else. And today...” she trailed off, her voice cracking. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she fought the heartbreak. “Today, I heard him serenading someone else.”

“Aww, Neens...” Kourtney pulled the girl into a tight hug, willing the pain to leave and wishing she could carry the burden for her. 

It was as if a dam was broken and all the pent-up longing and pining and jealousy all flowed out. Nini was done being hurt, and now that she was, she was able to understand the situation in a more rounded way.

She shouldn’t have pushed him. He should’ve explained his fear. She shouldn’t have tried to ignore and bury her hurt by dating another guy when she loved another. He shouldn’t have run away. So many should’ve and shouldn’ts she was sick of it.

All she knew was that she was at a point in her life where she was able to look back and say with absolute certainty that their breakup was simply due to their inexperience in relationships.

Now, she was ready to face it all because the sight she saw earlier that day only served to make it all the more clear. The pain, unlike anything she’d felt before, not when she was bullied for having two moms, and not when Kourt almost had to move away, not even after that god-awful night. It was the pain of not being able to find their way to each other again and having to watch him be with another that made her nearly keel over in pain as if she were being stabbed in the gut. If she tried and it didn’t work... well, she’d smile sadly but with such fondness. And with a painful pang in her chest, she’d think, _perhaps another lifetime._

But it would only be him, no one else, not another E.J meant to distract from the pain, and more than anything else, she refused to not try. She vowed then and there she would never allow her pride and hurt to cloud her judgment, again.

Now all she had to do was find out if she was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a stress relieving drabble series. I plan to add more chapters but it may be sporadic :)


	2. I Lost A Piece Of Myself, Too

Nini groaned and swatted at the hand that was shaking her awake. “Go away,” her voice still laced with sleep cracked. 

Kourt let her head hand as she laughed at the girl. 

Murmuring into her pillow Nini whined, “it’s not funny.” Despite this, she tried to open her eyes to see what the other girl wanted but gave up a second later when it became abundantly clear that her eyes, red and puffy from crying, weren’t going to open. 

“Girl, wake up. Big Red texted, get together at his place.” Kourt left Nini’s side to turn on the lights and a jacket to cover up her rumpled shirt. “And attendance is mandatory.”

Snuggling in deeper, Nini tried to come up with an excuse to go back to bed. “I can’t go anywhere my eyes are too puffy.” It wasn’t really an excuse since it was the truth. 

Kourt huffed, spinning away from the vanity to glare at the girl. “Fine. I’ll go downstairs and get some cucumbers but you better have at least brushed your hair by the time I get back.” 

“Love you!” Nini called out.

“Whatever,” Kourt's laugh could be heard from the stairs.

Smiling Nini sat up and walked to her bathroom to freshen up. Staring at her reflection she watched the smile drop from her face as her mind began to spiral with a million thoughts.  _ What was this get-together for? And why was attendance mandatory? The last time attendance was mandatory it was to announce to the group that Ricky and she were finally dating. Mandatory attends was only for emergencies and important things... what could...  _ Her heart was pounding and she froze.  _ Could... could they be? _

“Neens!” Kourt’s hand waved back and forth in front of her face. Shaking her head, she felt her panic dim slightly, her spiraling mind easing up on her already fragile heart. Seeing Nini’s terrified eyes, Kourt softened. “Hey, where’d you go just then?”

Nini swallowed. She didn’t want to admit her fears out loud because then that made them all the more real. But she couldn’t exactly hide either and she’d already promised herself to not let fear or hurt cloud her judgment. “Do you know who’s invited?”

Kourt grabbed her phone from her back pocket before unlocking it and scrolling through her texts. “Umm, let’s see Ricky, Ashlyn, E.J, Seb, Carlos... it looks like pretty much the whole cast.” She shut her phone off and put it back in her pocket. Grabbing the brush from the counter she began to brush the knots from Nini’s hair while the girl in question got rid of her awful (nap) breath. “Why?”

Nini let out an internal sigh. “Oh! No reason.”

Vague. Too vague, Kourt caught on right away but she needed Nini to confirm her thoughts. “Neens,” she gently prodded.

Eyes connecting in the mirror Nini gave it. Not ignoring issues was turning out harder than she thought it would be. “It’s just, I thought, well since.” She huffed and tried to collect her thoughts. “I thought... maybe they were going to announce they were dating but since it’s the whole cast I don’t think so. Like since Ricky and I only told you and Big Red and let everyone else figure it out themselves... unless since Gina isn’t really part of our childhood friend group and more part of the cast group they decided to just tell everyone tonight and they really are together and,” Nini spun around, ripping her hair out of the brush mid-stroke. “Oh God, Kourt what if they’re together. Like together together officially and I lost my chance. What if,” she started to hyperventilate.

_ Shit! _ Kourt grabbed the girl's hands and began taking deep breaths, hoping Nini’s eradicate ones would start to mimic hers. “Deep breathes Nini.” One deep breath. Two deep breathe. Kourt felt the second Nini was back and in control. Bringing her into a tight hug, Kourt let out a defeated sigh. She’d never really ever forgiven Ricky for what he did to Nini. But as she stood there holding her best friend and praying that this “get together” wasn’t really a “dating announcement,” she let herself accept the fact that Ricky’s home life was fucked up. It wasn’t an excuse but she could completely understand the boy’s fear. Out of the four of them, Ricky was the most emotional and softest of all. And if she really really thought about it, she was ashamed that she let herself turn her back on such a close friend.

And at that moment, shoulders slumping in defeat, Kourt let herself mourn the loss of her childhood friend group. The closeness and trust they once all had replaced with something akin to a kicked puppy, always scared of saying or doing something to remind one of them of what used to be. Nini might have had her heartbroken and Ricky might have broken his own heart, but Big Red and her had lost a lot too. Maybe not their hearts, the way the two lovers had, but their hearts broke all the same. The group of childhood friends fractured that summer and so far, they hadn’t been able to fix it. Shamefully, she admitted to herself that her actions hadn’t done much to quell the fire, no, in fact, she stoked it more than anything. She’d pretty much refused to even acknowledge, let alone talk to Ricky or even text him back. And since Big Red stuck with Ricky more than Nini, she’d blatantly avoided the ginger too. With Nini’s epiphany, Kourt began to realize just how much she’d suppress. She... missed her friends and while she was happy to have become part of this new group she still wanted the OTP4 back together.

But she feared, like Nini, that any hope and potential of them getting back together may have just gone up in flames with the (maybe) dating announcement of Ricky and Gina... as well as the likelihood that the group would ever find a way to fix their broken friendships.

OTP4 may have just become OTP4 + 1. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a stress relieving drabble series. I plan to add more chapters but it may be sporadic :)


	3. Do I Dare Hope That My Family Will Be Fixed

“Come on,” Kourt grunted as she struggled to drag Nini up the porch steps of Big Red’s house. She’d already received a text on the way there asking where they were. Tugging the girl a foot closer to the steps, Kourt stomped her foot, “Nini! I swear to God woman!”

Despite her absolute resistance to the idea of going into a confined area with both Ricky and Gina, she slipped up and laughed. Her body going lax for just a second being enough to give Kourt the upper hand and wrangle her up the stairs and through the unlocked door. 

Kicking the door closed Kourt panted but continued to block off the exit. Because she knew Nini and wouldn’t have put it past her to try and make a break for it.

Bouncing on the tips of her toes, Nini pleaded. “Kourt... please. I couldn’t bear it, just tell them I wasn’t feeling well and text me the news later.”

Straightening to her full height, Kourt leveled Nini with a hard stare. “No. Nini, for all we know this could be about Miss Jen and not—“

Nini’s hand smacked over the girl's mouth, while her head whipped around to make sure the coast was still clear. Glaring, Nini shushed her. “You can’t say their names!”

Mumbling, Kourt tried to ask what she should call them then. But again, the hand was still there. 

“What?” Nini stared, confused.

Kourt gave her a bored look and pointed to the hand that still lay over her mouth.

Jumping, Nini quickly removed her hand and with an awkward giggle apologized.

“I said, what do you want me to call them then?”

Shrugging Nini looked around, spotting a pineapple sitting in a fruit basket on the kitchen counter. “Pineapple.”

Unable to control herself she let out a laugh. Clapping in amusement she wiped at her tears, “Nini! Oh my God, what are we middle schoolers? Pineapple is literally what we used for your 2-day crush on Ethan.” 

“Omg my god, no Kourt we don’t talk about that!” Nini felt her cheeks grow red at the memory of her in the sixth grade. She’d practically tripped over herself to get the boy’s attention. And in the process of, making an absolute fool of herself. 

“Don’t talk about what?” Kourt’s smile fell at the familiar voice while Nini froze. 

Big Red walked up the stairs hoping that the laughs were Kourt and Nini’s and not a couple of random girls in his house. Although, at this point, no one would notice a couple of random girls considering half of the theater department was in his basement.

But as he got closer, the less he could resist smiling. Shaking his head he stopped at the final couple of stairs and just listened. It’d been so long since he heard the two best friends laugh and joke around without a care in the world. Not that they ever stopped but they stopped doing it with him. They honestly just stopped, period. Hanging out with him, texting him, hell, even saying “hi” to him. He knew everything had been weird ever since the breakup but it still stung to think about. How easily they dropped him, how all their years of friendship just didn’t seem worth fighting for. They were supposed to be a family and now, they couldn’t even be in the same room as each other without someone snapping.

Shaking his head, he cleared his thoughts. They didn’t need another over-thinker, Nini and Ricky were enough. Plastering on a smile he asked, “Don’t talk about what?”

Laughing nervously Nini debated whether or not to laugh off Big Red’s question. Stalling, Nini took in the familiar area, a feeling of nostalgia overwhelming her. Remembering the summers spent lounging in Big Red’s room and the many movie nights where instead of watching the movie they just talked about anything and everything and sleepovers where it didn’t matter that they were boys and they were girls and that they were sleeping in the same room, they were just, them... and she caved. She missed him. She missed them, the group. So, she let herself answer the embarrassing questions. 

“We were just remembering my sixth-grade crush.”

“Pineapple?” Embarrassingly enough, Big Red remembered the boy's code name but not his actual name.

Nini’s eyes bulged out of her head having had no idea Big Red was even remotely aware of Ethan. Sputtering, and ignoring Kourt’s laughter, she stared wide-eyed at the ginger, “you know about Pineapple?”

Turning on Kourt, Nini scrunched up her nose and pointed, “you!”

Raising her hands in surrender, Kourt couldn’t help but fall back into the easy and playful banter that was all too familiar, despite the months spent not talking. “Don’t look at me!” She eyed the ginger, “but I am curious to know how you knew.”

Big Red burst out laughing, “come on you guys. You weren’t exactly subtle back then. Whenever Ricky or I would try and join the chat, you guys would just laugh and continue talking but in code.”

Kourt and Nini stared at the boy, a bit shocked and confused. Shocked that he remembered all that stuff and confused as to how it gave them away. 

Looking back and forth between the two friends Big Red sighed dramatically, “you only talked in code if it was about a boy? The fact that Pineapple’s favorite food was pineapple... or all the times Nini was caught starin—“

Kourt snickered while Nini’s face went up in flames, again. Interrupting Big Red exposing her, Nini lifted her hands for him to stop, “ok ok!” She could help but laugh. “I get it! We weren’t subtle but I’m surprised you remember any of this.”

Big Red’s easy smile slowly fell as he recalled why those two particular days held so much significance. It was because of those two days that Big Red was able to get Ricky to admit his feelings for Nini, the minute it all really started. Closing his eyes he basked in the sweet memories when all his peeps were talking and when they didn’t have a care in the world except who got to choose the movie for movie night (even though no one really watched it). 

He let out a slow, sad breath. “Yeah... it was,” he trailed off, unsure if he should be honest. Enough time had passed that it wasn’t a big deal to spill, it was more the fact that Nini would barely look at Ricky that he feared bringing up anything from the past, or anything to do with Ricky for that matter.

Noticing the boy's hesitation, Nini smiled reassuringly. “Big Red? It’s ok you can tell me anything... I know things have been weird but I want to fix it.”

Big Red lift his head, his eyes searching her’s for the truth. His mind spun, and fear clawed at him that to get his hopes up would leave him broken all over again. His group, his family rushing off in all different directions and barely able to mutter a hello in the halls. He wasn’t sure he’d survive that again and be able to maintain the happy-go-lucky attitude that he’d somehow managed to show the past few months. 

But all he found was a determined look in the girl's eyes. A look that told him to take a chance because she was telling the truth. “It was the incident that got Ricky to admit that his feelings for you.”

Kourt tried to contain her shock, but let out a small gasp. Nini on the other hand had a harder time controlling her reaction. Taking a tentative step forward towards her old friend she asked, “do you think he still...”

“Yo! Big Red, what’s taking so long? Is it them or not,” a voice shouted up. All three friends froze, all hoping that the boy in question (Ricky) didn’t come up to investigate himself. 

After a second Big Red’s shoulders fell as he let out the breath he was holding. Turning back towards the cracked basement door he called back, “yeah! They’re here, just grabbing a drink!”

Nini swallowed. The spell broken, and the three were back in Big Red’s foyer no longer carefree and able to reminisce. 

Turning back to the girls, Big Red gave a small smile, though it looked more like a grimace. “Well? Shall we? I know Ricky wanted to talk to us all about something.”

“Do you think it’s a dat—“ Nini asked. Her voice was quiet as if asking would make it true. 

Big Red let his eyes leave the girl’s face. With a shrug, he interrupted, not sure he could bear it if the group's only hope was about to go up in flames with a “dating announcement.” “I don’t know Nini, I just...” shaking his head he trailed off leaving the girls wondering. 

“How did you know...” Unsure how the boy knew what she was going to ask.

Giving a sad smile, he confessed, “just because we haven’t spoken the past few months doesn’t mean I’d forget all the years that we did.” Unwilling to cry, and feeling the pent-up frustrations and sadness well up inside him, Big Red turned to leave. 

Watching the ginger disappear down the stairs, Nini didn’t let her eyes leave the basement staircase. Her shame doubling as she realized that it wasn’t just her and Ricky who’d suffered a loss. But Big Red and Kourt, too. 

Reaching back behind her, Nini silently asked for Kourt’s hand. “Kourt...” she said questionably. 

Taking her hand, Kourt gave it a squeeze, “we can talk later.” Tucking that conversation away for later, she smiled with pride as she watched her best friend square her shoulders and pull her down the stairs.

Big Red slumped back into his seat. Nini’s words echoing in his mind. He hadn’t even thought about the possibility of this becoming a “dating announcement” because he’d been the one who initiated the get-together.

But now that he thought about it, Ricky had said he had something important to talk about. 

_ Had Ricky really moved on? No. No, he would’ve told him, right? But maybe... No. he’d have told him. _

And thinking about the determined look in Nini’s eyes, it was like he was looking at the old Nini again but more confident and sure of herself. 

_ Why was she asking if it was a “dating announcement?” Why would she care? Unless... does she... is she going to? _

Taking a deep breath, he freed himself of the hope-inducing thoughts. Eying the staircase he waited for the girls to appear, a single question ringing at the back of his mind.

Did he dare hope that his family would be whole again? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a stress relieving drabble series. I plan to add more chapters but it may be sporadic :)


	4. We Got This, Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said this was a stress relieving drabble series. Well, I lied this chapter stressed me out way more than it should’ve :)

Nini let out a heavy breath as everyone began breaking off into groups to start working, the group completely oblivious to the internal dance party going on in her head. _Yeah, it probably wasn’t the best time to celebrate all things considered but she would count it as a mini win nonetheless._

Though sneaking a glance towards Big Red and then Kourt, she knew that she wasn’t the only one relieved with the turn of events. The fact that this get-together wasn’t a “dating announcement,” and the thing that Ricky wanted to talk to everyone about had absolutely nothing to do with Gina and everything to do with Miss Jenn. 

“Well...” she drew out the ‘l,’ unsure what to say or do to make the awkwardness go away.

It never used to be like this...

Kourt being the lifesaver she was, cut right to the chase, “we were all thinking it right?” Nini nodded in agreement while Red didn’t move.

Looking up from the carpet Big Red let his gaze bounce back and forth between the two girls. Tight-lipped, he considered keeping his mouth shut, but the hope that ignited in his heart just 20 minutes earlier made it impossible for him too. So, braving it, he nodded along with Nini, “yeah.” 

Another pause... yet, Nini couldn’t bring herself to walk away. Looking at them, she noted that none of them could. Despite the long minutes of silence all three of them refused to move. It was like they were so close, just one final push, and everything would be back to the way it was.

Startling her, Red added, “we are talking about the same thing, right?”

Nini spoke up, “yes? Kourt and I are thinking the same thing... are you?” She didn’t want to be the one to say it first for fear that she was completely off and Big Red was thinking of something totally different... and it turned out that picking up from where they left off would be harder than they thought. 

And Nini wasn’t sure she could bear that guilt too... the guilt she had for how everything transpired with Ricky and the building guilt she had for her part in the group falling apart. 

Red watched the girl’s confidence slowly fade. He hated it. He loved the new Nini, the perfect mix of her old self and new self. He didn’t want to see it fade, he just wished that this new Nini would wake up and realize she still loved Ricky and that he was worth fighting for.

Resolve solidified, Red did something he hadn’t done in a long time. He looked to Kourt. Before everything went down, the two had actually become really close... being the third and fourth wheels and all. They had developed a kind of comradeship different from what they had with their respective best friends. A kind of wingman and wingwoman synchronization developed over the years as they’d worked to get the two former lovers together. 

Kourt: _say it_

Red: _I can’t_

Kourt: _why_

Red: _what if I’m wrong_

He didn’t think he’d be able to bear it if he was wrong. Even more, so that fact, what if he’d lost his synchronization with Nini and everything he’d interpreted turned out to be wrong.

On the other hand, he was curious and a little bit too hopeful for his tastes. If Nini was worried that this was a “dating announcement,” did that mean what he thought it meant?

Kourt: _you’re not_

Big Red stared into Kourt’s eyes, pleading with her but she just gave a small nod, not at all noticing Nini’s confused stare. 

Having spent too much time third and forth wheeling and as wingmen, they had dubbed themselves Wing #1 and Wing #2 back in the 8th grade when it became beyond obvious that the two were totally into each other. 

And being back together like this, talking without actually saying anything, reminded him of all the crazy things he and Kourt had gone through trying to get those two together. 

Red: _what if I break us even more_

Kourt: _you won’t_

Scoffing, Big Red looked away for a second to stare at his best friend who still sat with Ashlyn. Fiddling with his guitar as the two tried to come up with something. 

Kourt: _stop avoiding_

She lifted a hand, a truly genuine smile lighting up her face as she arranged her fingers into a ‘W.’ Her thumb and ring finger curling to touch while the rest remained pointing straight up. 

Letting out a sad laugh, Red couldn’t help but feel the pangs of home, wishing he could go back to those times. It was that specific night when he and Kourt had stayed up all night FaceTiming, trying to come up with new and more subtle ways to throw their besties together that led to Red’s sleep deprivation-induced mistake the following school day. The two Wingmen, Wing #1 and Wing #2 had been joking around that they were like Katniss Everdeen, starting a revolution... a love revolution in District Rini. Well, delirious from lack of sleep Red messed up the iconic three-finger salute by connecting his thumb and ring finger instead of his thumb and pinky finger. And since it looked like a ‘W’ the “tribute” symbol just kinda became one of their many inside jokes.

Signing back he pushed down his fear that he’d just be making a bigger mess of things and spoke. Directing his statement towards Kourt, he voiced his biggest fear, “if we mess up I don’t think we can come back.”

Kourt agreed. And it scared her. They were the glue, her and Red, and they’d failed. 

Well...

She’d failed. Not Red. No, Red had tried. He’d tried so hard and Kourt failed him and in turn, failed them all. Too many times he’d reach out and every time she’d ignored his text or call or hello. She thought she was being loyal but looking back she wasn’t being loyal at all. Not when her loyalties were also supposed to be with Ricky and Red. They were supposed to be family and she’d turned her back on them.

Pushing back the tears Kourt nodded, “yeah. I know.”

“Ok.” Red gave in, “I thought it could’ve been a dating announcement.”

Nini opened her mouth but no sound came out, unsure what to say. 

Noting Red’s nervousness she felt her heart soar at the fact that, despite his nervousness, the boy still trusted them, at least trusted enough to tell them what was on his mind.

It was something they always struggled with, getting Red to admit that there was more to him than the happy-go-lucky ginger. 

So, saying fuck it, Nini went all in and laid it all out, figuring if he could be brave for her then she could be brave for him. 

“I was scare—“

“Nini,” Ashlyn called out effectively breaking the spell and the little confessional bubble they’d managed to carve out. She loved Ashlyn, she did. But at that moment she wanted nothing more than to strangle the girl. 

Pulled back to the real world, Nini let her head drop just barely before plastering on a smile and responding, “one sec—“

“Yo! Kourt, get over here!”

“Red! Dude, what are you doing?”

Watching as the spell broke, their heads whipping in the direction their names came from, Kourt and Red sighed as Nini reluctantly stood up, “finish this later, yeah?”

Echoing her, Kourt and Red agreed.

Sitting, just the two of them, neither moved. Both pairs of eyes trained forward. “I’m sorry. I should’ve—”

“Don’t,” she held up a hand to stop him. Out of all of them, Red was the only one who’d actually tried instead of running away and deflecting like the rest of them had done. “We messed up. Not you, us. I don’t care how long it takes, we’ll fix this.” Kourt didn’t even want to consider failure. It hurt too much.

“And if we can’t?” 

Kourt cracked a mischievous smile. “It’s us Red, Wing #1 and Wing #2, we got this!” 

Slapping her hands down onto her knees she hauled herself up and in true Kourt fashion, shot the ginger boy a wink before sauntering off to join Natalie, leaving just Red.

 _Right,_ thought Red. _We got this..._ and looking up he peered towards his friends;

Nini who, just like old times kept sneaking glances at Ricky before looking away, a slight blush staining her cheeks...

_We got this!_

Kourt who was helping Natalie with the timing of everything had everyone’s attention because she was just that amazing firey ball of energy...

_We got this!_

And Ricky who... who was laughing with Gina. Gina, who was standing way too close for her feelings to be platonic.

_Oh God, we so don’t got this!_


	5. Please... Not When We’re So Close

“How do I snag two tickets to opening night?”

Nini felt the floor shift and her heart thump faster against her rib cage. _They’d actually done it!_

Basking in the high that she got after every performance and unable to stand still, she squealed as Seb pulled her into a quick hug before running off to hug someone else, most likely Carlos if the looks they’d been giving each other when they thought no one was looking was any indication.

Thoughts shifting she immediately wanted to find a certain messy haired brown eyed boy and celebrate the victory. Peering around she quickly found Ricky’s blue shirt in the crowed, only to find herself being showered with a sudden bucket of ice water as Gina’s rainbow sweater quickly entered the frame.

Thoughts sobering, she watched Ricky pick Gina up and spin her around as if she were a princess and he was her prince. 

Swallowing hard, she bit her cheek to keep her smile in place and ignored the mounting dread that pooled in her stomach as she fought to keep her smile in place. But it was painfully obvious that it wasn’t working.

Unable to look any longer she turned around to look for Kourt. Of course, her lucked suck and instead of her eyes finding the girl in question they found E.J.

And she wanted to disappear.

Facing her regrets one after the other, the pain inside her was all too much. 

Earlier, she’d been able to banish all thoughts of Ricky and Gina together for the sake of the performance. But now that it was done, reality decided to come crashing down like a devastating tsunami. Sweeping away the momentary happy leaving behind a barely there foundation. Kinda how her friendships were going... oh and her relationship, or lack thereof. The body of her relationships gone and the foundation barely hanging on.

In simple terms, her heart was being pulverized into the ground and she maybe sorta wanted to cry. In a room full of joyful, celebrating people she felt utterly alone. 

Kourt was freaking out! They’d done it! Nini would get to play lead, theater would continue to be a reason for everyone (Ricky, Nini, Red and herself) to continue being around one another, all her work wouldn’t be in vein and maybe, just maybe they’d have a shot at fixing everythi—.

And she spoke to soon. 

Catching her attention, Kourt zeroed in on Nini in her bright pink sweater. Making her way over she watched, confused as to why her best friend was frozen in place, and staring so intently. Following her gaze she let out an audible gasp.

 _Oh geez..._  
.  
Kourt immediately began looking for Big Red. _How could everything go to shit so quickly. It’s like Ricky had a sixth sense about this stuff. Figures the minute all three of them pull their heads out of their asses and decided to fight for their friendships and relationships, he’d decided to do the opposite-_

Snorting, amused by herself, Kourt focused. Things weren’t looking good and with Red already hesitant about making waves, the fact that “waves” were happening so soon after they’d decided to fight was like some creepy bad omen. Not that she’d let that stop her.

But they’d just gotten to a point where they could be in the same room as each other and actually look in the other’s general direction, and Kourt wasn’t ready to lose that, not when they were so close.

It didn’t take long for her to find the ginger and like she predicted, he wasn’t taking the whole Ricky-Gina scene to to well. If his wide-eyed, pursed-lips stare was any indication.

“What’s wrong with you?” Kourt was pretty sure she knew but she wanted Red to admit it aloud to her.

“Ricky’s never mentioned being into Gina.” Red nodded in the direction of said people. “I thought we’d have a chance, yeah know? But I guess we were to late?”

Kourt shuddered. _They couldn’t be too late._ “Pry Red. I refuse to give up without actual evidence. Ask him tonight, yeah?”

Not answering right away to her question, Kourt waited a beat. 

“Yeah, ok.”

“K.” She left to find Nini, having lost her in the swarm of people when she went to find the ginger.

Silently praying that today’s turn of events didn’t completely destroy her best friend’s confidence.

_Not when they were so close, so damn close._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a stress relieving drabble series. I plan to add more chapters but it may be sporadic :)


	6. I’ve Been Acting Like I’m Fine But I’m Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really like this transition chapter but whatever (*shrugs).
> 
> May delete and repost later.
> 
> ***Updated and new content added!
> 
> KOURT LOVES NINI! BUT EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO FEELING HOWEVER THEY WANT AS LONG AS THEY DEAL WITH SAID FEELINGS IN A HEALTHY WAY :)
> 
> Oh and I love this chapter now!!

“Nooo!” Nini doubled over, shrieking in laughter, her ribs aching, Kourt in a similar state of mirth.

They were an absolute mess. The room not much better. Blankets and pillows were strewn around and Nini’s hair knotted and mussed, covering her face as she batted at Kourt’s comment. 

Gasping for air, she couldn’t believe it, “he didn’t! I swear, he did not think that would work!”

Kourt wished it weren’t true but it was. Shooting her an incredulous look she replied, “would I every lie about fashion?”

Nini gave her a pointed look, clearly remembering that one incident when Kourt had decided to mess with her, giving her false fashion advice in an attempt to scare away a boy who she didn’t like. Nini, though feeling foolish, had trusted her friend only to realize she’d been played when said boy asked her, “what the hell are you wearing?”

She’d never been more mortified. Though they could look back and laugh now, she’d been so mad and hadn’t talked to Kourt for a whole week. Only giving in when Kourt showed up with at her house with a frappe and donuts from her favorite little coffee shop. A coffee shop that was over 30 minutes away. The thoughtfulness made her anger crumble away. Seeing as this had been when they were in 7th grade and couldn’t drive yet. She later found out that Kourt had begged her older sister to take her in exchange for doing 3 weeks worth of her chores. 

Course after that, how could she be mad.

“I clearly remeber—“

Kourt slapped a hand over her mouth, “we don’t talk about that.” She scolded, despite the smile that pulled at her lips.

Fighting back, Nini stuck out her tongue causing Kourt to jump back in disbelief.

“You did not just _lick_ me Nini Salazar-Roberts!”

Giving a smug smirk, Nini just shrugged before bursting out laughing. Kourt following quickly behind. 

Settling, Nini knew they had to talk about the conversation they’d sidelined at Red’s the other night. “Sooo.”

Kourt giggled before dramatically mimicking the girl, “soooo.”

“About the other night,” Nini didn’t know why she felt so sheepish, it wasn’t like they weren’t aware of the issue at hand. Her breakdown the other day and subsequently, the conversation at Red’s house that’d followed, had made it all abundantly clear they were all on the same page. But she knew there was still so much more to talk about. Starting with giving Kourt and Red, when she saw him next, a big fucking apology. 

They’d lost so much and yet, it was like Nini had been blind to their hurt. _How had she been so blind to it? It was right in front of her!_

She hasn’t batted an eyelash when Kourt had started showing up at her house Thursday nights when before she’d dedicated that time to hanging with Red. 

Or when she’d changed his contact name from Wing #1, whatever that meant, to Redonovich. 

Kourt _never_ used people’s real names when adding a number and she sure as hell never renamed a contact after a nickname was given.

Nini knew that, yet she’d gone on as if it was an everyday occurrence. _What was wrong with her?_

She grabbed her best friends hand and rested it between her own. Unable to meet the girls eyes, she mindless stared, drawing comfort from the hand in her’s. Pressure pooling behind her eyes, she didn’t move when one broke free and began trailing down her flushed cheek. With a shuddered breathe, she faced her shame. “I, am so damn sorry Kourt.” She felt her breathe quicken. “I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know how I let myself be so blind. I hurt Ricky, and myself but I hurt you. And Red. And didn’t even notice.”

Her body shook with adrenaline. Throwing herself off the bed to pace, she rubbed at her suddenly cold arms. “It hit me at Red’s house... it took me _months_ to notice you guys hurting. How could I have not notice your pain Kourt? I’m supposed to be your best friend and all I noticed was my own pain, my own side. I didn’t try to understand Ricky and, Hell!” She threw her arm out, gesturing absentmindedly. “I shouldn’t have even _needed_ to try to see your and Red’s pain because it’s obvious to anyone looking in that we all broke that night. You guys even more because I _forced_ you to chose a side and I,” she could hardly speak her lower lip shaking, the tears steaming down her face.

She felt herself fall to the ground, the slight sting from hitting the ground like a dull ache at the back of her mind. She whispered, “I’m so sorry Kourt... I—“

Kourt closed her eyes as she listened to Nini. 

She hated pity. That certain look and voice they used, the way people thought they were offering their sympathy or condolences when all they gave was pity filled eyes. 

_Yes_ , She knew people offered pity free sympathy and condolences but those people were far and few between. 

To often they saw hurt and started treating the person like a child or some kicked puppy.

Kourt was neither, she refused to be. 

Maybe that was what made it so hard for her to face what had that summer. 

She’d seen her best friend fall apart. So, she’d sucked it up, ignored her own feelings about the situation, stayed quiet and acted as if none of it bothered her together because Nini needed Hurricane Kourtney. 

She was supposed to be the rock, a full fledged hurricane but all she felt like was a fraud. A pebble at best.

A sad cracked pebble wallowing in pity. 

And now, laying it all out she admitted that she was utterly broken inside... just like Nini... and Red... and maybe even Ricky.

Her anger.

Her sadness.

Her hurt.

Her feelings of betrayal.

All welling up from the abyss where she’d stored them, rushing out of every crack and crevice of her broken heart.

Even more though, pushing to the forefront of her mind from the deep recessions of her heart she knew she blamed Nini, and an even smaller part of her resented her best friend for not noticing that she was utterly drowning in pain. 

Now forced to admit her deepest and ugliest feelings she threw herself a pity party.

An end all “fuck Nini” pity party.

And she hated herself for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a stress relieving drabble series. I plan to add more chapters but it may be sporadic :)


	7. An Eye For An Eye?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had initially wrote their fight as super civil, but then I realized Kourt’s want to protect Nini’s feelings and Nini’s need to get things out would’ve caused them to clash.
> 
> I’m not really good at writing arguing scenes but I tried *shrugs

“Please, Kourt,” Nini begged. “Just tell me.”

Kourt shook her head, unable to. 

Scared to say the things she was thinking. 

Scared, wondering if voicing her feelings would just make everything worse

Scared that laying it all out would cause Nini to revert to her old self.

Just scared. 

Nini felt herself start to get mad. _Who was this girl? Kourt was the most fearless girl she knew, so what could she have to say that was so bad?_

“God! Just spit it out Kourt! I can take it!” She exploded, unable to just let it go. 

Having enough mind to remember Mamma C and Mamma D were home she snatched her phone from the floor where she’d dropped it and shot off a text to let them know that they were _fine._

Just a little... disagreement.

Throwing her phone away she gave Kourt a long, level stare as she clenched and unclenched her jaw. 

She could feel the fire coursing through her veins, the slight shake in her arms and hands, and the feeling like she was a volcano that was about to erupt. 

She was so done with this tip-toeing shit.

“Nini, just leave it.”

“No, no! I won’t fucking leave it, Kourt!”

Maybe they’d stayed quiet to protect her. She hadn’t been able to handle much after what had happened. So, she was thankful for everything Kourt had done for her. But, it was her turn to play the fearless knight. Her turn to help Kourt. 

“Get out of my face,” Kourt snapped, feeling like an animal being poked with a stick, ready to lash out at any moment.

They both felt themselves on the verge of a screaming match— one that Nini had no intention of losing. Not when she could _see_ the cracks in Kourt’s armor beginning to chip away.

Images flashed in her brain. Days, when she’d noted something off with Kourt, had asked but hadn’t pried. The flashes of hurt and resentment that had clearly shown in her best friend's eyes but she’d been too caught up in her drama to think about. 

“TELL ME!”

“FUCK OFF NINI!” Kourt slammed her hands down and headed anywhere but there. 

“DON’T WALK AWAY FROM ME!” Nini marched after the girl, fists clenched and panting from screaming. 

Stopped by the distinct ping of her phone she moved to grab it before running to catch up.

Mamma C: we’re gonna go run some errands give you two some privacy

Mamma D: we can trust you won’t do anything rash?

And by rash she meant physical. The words made Nini feel ill.

Nini: thank you! Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.

Shutting off her phone she ran to catch up. 

Kourt stomped down the stairs, feeling something akin to a 5-year-old throwing a tantrum when they didn’t get their way. It didn’t matter she knew she should turn back and talk, she kept walking, one foot in front of the other the small sliver of hope she’d let herself feel shrinking with every step. 

It was like her body and mouth had a mind of their own and refused to listen to the logic screaming in her head telling her ”turn back!”

She was used to be fearless, all sass and no bullshit. Facing a situation of pure bullshit, whatever the hell that’d just happened in Nini’s room, she didn’t know how to cope.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs she didn’t know what to do; leaving would destroy any semblance of hope, it’d be like shutting the door on everything only to return to how everything was post-breakup. But this time adding in the fact that she and Nini would be fighting.

 _No_ , she couldn’t leave.

Stopping at the top of the stairs Nini called out, “Kourt?” No response. “Kourt!” 

Rushing down Nini prayed she hadn’t left, that maybe she was just sitting on the couch or out in her back yard, hell even stomping around making angry pancakes, she didn’t care as long she was still _there_.

Getting to the bottom of the stairs she cried out, her voice hoarse, “you don’t get to just leave!”

Spinning around, Kourt screamed, “AND YOU CAN’T _MAKE ME_ SAY A DAMN THING!”

She stomped her foot. Like an actual 2-year-old. “GOD KOURT! I NEVER SAID I COULD BUT YOU DON’T GET TO PRETEND THAT NOTHING IS CHANGING AND ACT LIKE I’M NOT LISTENING WHEN YOU’RE NOT FUCKING TALKING!” she pulled at her hair getting pissed off all over again.

Like a switch, Kourt simmered down, “nothing is changing. This was a mistake.”

Nini couldn’t believe her ears. _Was she that fragile in Kourt’s eyes that she would throw away everything just so she could continue to shield her from the storm. No, she wouldn’t let them drift, not when it was her fault for breaking them all._

A voice like steel but still tempered she bit out, “everything is changing.” Pointing between the two of them she continued, “we were at Red’s house! For the first time in _months,_ you acknowledged Red. Not just acknowledged but talked about the _past._ Kourt we can’t just throw that away!” Nini was desperate for that fire in Kourt to rekindle. Without it, she feared that everyone else would just slowly float away again.

“That doesn’t mean anything” Kourt let her chin jut out indignantly. _It meant everything,_ and she knew it.

“DAMN YOU! DON’T LIE TO ME!” Nini was, so past the point of mad she was in a different realm.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CARE? AS LONG AS YOU’RE FINE WHO CARES WHAT I FEEL!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I FUCKING CARE KOURT!”

“NO YOU DON’T!” Kourt’s voice wobbled, the fight leaving her. “Because if you did you would’ve seen _me_ , I was utterly drowning Neen’s and you,” she gestured to the girl whose feet were stuck in place on the bottom step. “were supposed to be my best friend and you didn’t see.” 

Her heart sank at her best friend’s words. She wasn’t mad, in fact, she wanted her to get it all out. But it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt to hear it. 

“I’m mad Nini... and hurt, so damn hurt!” Kourt let it all out. Each honest word like an arrow to her heart as she watched Nini close her eyes and nod along, taking each verbal punch.

She wanted to get it all out. It was the only way to heal but she was terrified. 

Yet, it was like once the words started she couldn’t stop. Every pent-up thought and feeling she let it be known.

She hated how she felt she had to choose.

She hated how they’d all just stopped talking.

She hated that she resented Nini.

She hated that she’d lost a piece of herself and hadn’t fought.

She hated how she’d turned her back on Red and Ricky.

She hated how no one saw her pain, only Nini’s.

She hated that she’d stayed quiet and let everything fester like an opened wound.

Tilting her head back, she willed the rising tears away. She didn’t cry it just wasn’t her style

She...

She hated how she never let herself mourn.

And as the tears slipped out, down her cheeks and neck, she suddenly felt a thousand times lighter. 

Her heart didn’t constrict as painfully as it had just 10 minutes earlier and she felt like she could breathe again. 

For the first time in months, she felt at peace.

Nini didn’t know what to say. _I understand? It’s ok? I’m sorry?_ None of it seemed like it would even remotely mend things.

Walking over to her best friend, at least she hoped they were best friends still, she wrapped her in a hug. “I—, you’re right,” she sighed. She hadn’t realized how much she’d taken from Kourt. Even more so, she shamefully admitted, she hadn’t noticed anything but her own feelings period. “I am so sorry Kourt. I took so much from you and didn’t even have the mind to notice. I just, I was so caught up in my drama and didn’t even stop to think about the fact that your Thursday nights suddenly became open or that you actually _changed_ someone’s contact nickname—“

Kourt let out a laugh, sure that the two made quite the sight tears and tissues, red puffy eyes, and laughing despite the seriousness of it all.

Sniffling Nini let out a chuckle. 

Kourt sighed. 

Weirded out that the resent she’d noted just minutes early seemed to have all but dissipated the minute she admitted her feelings aloud.

“It’s ok Neens.” She didn’t want Nini to feel guilty for anything that had happened. They all royally messed up. She just wanted to stop feeling resentful. “It was hard on all of us.”

Nini wanted to go along with it, sweep it under the rug, and pretend it was ok but it wasn’t. It just... wasn’t.

“No, it’s—“ cut off by a knock, she glared at the door as if it were responsible for interrupting them. Ignoring it she continued, “It’s really not ok. But I don’t know to make it better—“

A louder _knock_.

“I hate that I made you feel you couldn’t—“

...and they were banging now.

“talk to me, I’m supposed to be your best friend, and—“

“Aghhh!” Throwing her hands up in the air, being interrupted for the third time she marched over the door and threw it open. _Go away for fucks sake!_

“What?” She bit out.

_Oops._

She blushed at the sight of Big Red giving her a judging look. Sheepishly she gestured for him to come in.

“Geez! ‘Pry’ Kourt says, ‘I need evidence’ she says well-said boy pried and what does he get? He gets yelled at,” Red pouted dramatically.

Kourt burst out laughing at the boy's antics. She’d missed those.

Pausing Red, raised a brow just taking in the sight of both girls. Nini’s eyes puffy that were so swollen he was surprised she could see anything let alone find the door to open it. And Kourt, though also red-eyed was not as bad.

Eyes darting between the two he looked around behind Kourt and then over his shoulder, “did I miss something?”

Letting out a puff of air Nini spoke up, smiling “not at all. We were just getting started.”

Red took a step back not liking the gleam in the girl’s eyes. 

“Damn. What are we Men in Black?”

Nini shrugged, while Kourt stepped forward, “Nah, we just Wing #1 and Wing #2.”

Nini looked between the two noting the way they spoke with their eyes, just like she’d witnessed that night at Red’s house.

“What does that mean, Wing #1 and Wing #2?”

In unison the two turned away from each other, giggling they ran up the stairs leaving Nini by herself and wondering what they were planning. 

But she liked the familiarity of it all. Kinda felt like home.

Turning to shut the door, she twisted the lock and headed back upstairs, comforted by the giggles of Kourt and Red.

 _Yes_ , they were giggling, together.

Something she hadn’t heard them do for a really, really long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a stress relieving drabble series. I plan to add more chapters but it may be sporadic :)


	8. Don't Be Suspicious, Don't Be Suspicious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok! Why is writing Rick/Red interactions so hard.
> 
> I really don’t like this chapter but whatever 😋 so I’ll probably delete and repost later!
> 
> **note: “wheee”- sound people make on roller coaster. Hahaha I don’t know how to spell it.
> 
> Update: gahhahah this chapter is killing me

Today had been good, albeit fuzzy. Ashlyn hugged him and said his dancing was on point. _No big deal, just the most beautiful girl ever complimenting him._

_No, just because he thought she was talented and sweet, and kind... oh and witty, and had the voice of angel it did not mean he liked her, right?_

Either way, his ‘not crush’ was beside the point.

The past 72 hours had been a roller coaster of events with Miss Jenn being put on probation and pretty much fired, the musical being in danger of being canceled, writing, producing, and choreographing a whole new performance in one night in hopes of saving said teacher, his Wing #1 actually talking to him for the first time in months, a “dude we’re getting the band back together” moment, saving Miss Jenn and the show and finally, realizing that Rini may have just gotten a whole lot harder as he watched Ricky spin Gina around. 

He kinda preferred the whole no-sleep-for-the-past-26-hours-situation to what he was witnessing even if his memory was fuzzy and vision blurry from lack of sleep.

To be honest he’d been on autopilot for the last 14 hours and kind of zoned out after Carlos began yelling at them to “get their heads in the game.”

_Yeah... musicals may have grown on him but he still had a limit._

Either way, his musical tolerance was also not the point.

He wanted to know what was up with _those_ two.

Noting Kourt coming up beside him, he kept his gaze trained forward and on the spinning... duo?

“What’s wrong with you?”

Red frowned. “Ricky’s never mentioned being into Gina.” He didn’t know how to feel about it. Sure Gina was a cool chick but he had still hoped... “I thought we’d have a chance, yeah know? But I guess we were too late?”

“Pry Red. I refuse to give up without actual evidence. Ask him tonight, yeah?” He really didn’t like the idea of prying. Prying and Ricky just didn’t go well together, several instances coming to mind. 

Like when he’d made the mistake of teasing him about how 'he must be secretly in like with Nini’ after he’d sat through 5 hours worth of romantic musicals rather than the usual 2. But instead of laughing like he thought he would, Ricky had gotten all serious and pensive. He later found out that he’d hit a soft spot because as it turned out, Ricky did have feelings for Nini.

Or when his parent’s fighting started getting really bad at the end of 8th grade and he’d stopped eating and only slept a couple of hours a night and when Red had asked if he was okay Ricky had shut down and avoided him for days.

“Yeah, ok.” He gave in.

“K.”

E.J Caswell shouldn’t have cared the Miss Jenn’s job was on the line but for whatever reason, he’d grown fond of the quirky woman. Whatever the case, he found himself running on no beauty sleep, and surrounded by a bunch of random girls eager to compliment him now that he was once again single. 

But he only had eyes for Nini, who in turn only had eyes for Ricky.

Speaking of Ricky, he watched the twerp spin Miss Phone Thief around. 

The sight sickened him. Here he was single, the girl he loved pining after some other guy who clearly wasn’t doing any pining back. 

He wasn’t sure why he felt such rage at Ricky for doing that to Nini. Wasn’t he supposed to hate the guy because he was competition?

 _Uggg_. Maybe this was that thing called “selflessness” Ashlyn was always going on about. 

He’d be honest, he didn’t like it.

Nonetheless, he found himself boring a hole into the boy's forehead hoping he’d catch fire.

_Extreme? Maybe, eh what did he care?_

Feeling eyes on him, he looked to the right, meeting Nini’s gaze. Face contorting in disdain at the sight, shot him a sour face. Clearly, she was trying to mask her jealousy.

Scoffing he turned away.

The irony wasn’t lost on him.

Ricky having walked into Junior year wanting to get back with Nini, Nini walking in dating him, and now Nini was single and wanted Ricky back, but Ricky was apparently now into Gina.

 _Damn_.

The rest of Red’s day was sort of a blur. Again, the whole lack of sleep issue and he was dead on his feet.

Despite school being over, his day was far from being done.

_Why? Because Kourt had told him to go on a fishing expedition into Ricky’s love life. She made it sound so simple as if the last time he’d meddled it hadn’t ended up in the group splitting up and not talking for months..._

_So, yeah. He was nervous and a whole lot of unsure but if Kourt was ready to go all-in who was he to stand in the way of that hurricane._

And that was how he found himself practically dragging Ricky through the courtyard and to his house. Though it may be the other way around, Ricky dragging Red since Ricky had a skateboard and Red was no runner.

Up the porch steps, through the foyer, down the basement stairs, Red then slung Ricky into one of the chairs.

Pointedly, he ignored the confused stares being thrown at him. Unsure what to say first he paced back and forth. It was a lot to unpack. The fate of the group kinda rested in how this conversation went.

_What was with that spinning Gina round today?_

_Was he over Nini? Was he into Gina?_

He didn’t know what question to lead with so he just decided to be blunt and cut to the chase. “So,” he drew out the ‘o.’

Having had not moved from the spot where Red had thrown him, Ricky stared deadpan, eyebrows raised.

Red continued, “what’s up with you and Gina?”

“What? Nothing.”

Red wanted to believe him but how could he. He’d seen it with his own two eyes, plain as day in front of an entire crowd and as Kourt as his witness, the boy picked. up. and. spun. Gina around like they were actually in some kind of Disney musical remake. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. But after that? I don’t know man,” he shook his head and looked away. “Now I’m not so sure.”

“Red, dude what are you talking about?”

“You, Gina? _Wheeee_ ,” he mimicked Ricky spinning Gina around.

“ _Wheeee?_ ” 

Red felt himself start to buckle and trail off, “yeah? Like,” he lifted his two pointer fingers and touched them together, eyebrows raised. “ _Wheee_.”

“Wait, are you talking about Homecoming?” 

“No?” Red was confused.

“Oh.”

“Wait what happened at Homecoming?” He’d been with Ricky the entire night. Nothing could’ve...

_Oh, ohhhhh._

Red’s eyes grew wide as it suddenly dawned on him— Ricky had driven Gina home.

Playing dumb, Ricky feigned confusion, “What?”

Red rolled his eyes. “Fine, we’ll talk about whatever that was later.” He didn’t want to push Ricky to much and have him completely shut him out. And since Ricky had already slipped up by mentioning something not even on Red’s radar, he decided to play it safe and focus on the hug. Homecoming could wait. “I wanna know what was up with that hug today.”

“Hug?”

“Uggg yes! Remember,” he parroted the woman. “‘How do I snag two tickets to opening night,’” puffing his chest out, he mimicked the weird dance thing the woman had done. He then switched to imitate Gina. “And then,” he clasped his hands together and fluttered his eyelashes. “‘Oh Ricky!’”

“Dude, you’re an idiot.”

“Come on man. Are you into Gina or not?” Red was actually starting to get annoyed. _Just answer._

Ricky sputtered. “What? No. Red, it was a hug. We’re just friends.”

Letting out an awkward laugh, Red waved him off. “Right, course. And if I were to ask about Homecoming?” 

"Leave it Red."

"Right," Red snapped, pointing his pointer finger towards the stairs. "So, uh, I'm gonna head out."

“So, uh, I’m just,” Red pointed towards the stairs. “Imma head out.”

Making a mad dash for the stairs, Red snatched Ricky’s board that he’d left leaning against the base of the stairs, “see yeah tomorrow!” 

"Wait what?"

"Bye!"

"Red!" Letting out a confused laugh, he took off after the ginger.

Up the basement stairs, through the foyer and down the porch steps and out onto the sidewalk in front of the house he barely spotted the dot that was Red’s retreating back. 

Throwing his hands up he yelled out. “This is your house!”

_What was happening to the world? First, after dead silence from Kourt and awkward stares in the hallways from Nini, all three suddenly were talking again? And not just talking in passing, but silent-conversation talking. And now..._

_Just what was Red up to?_


	9. Careful, Spilled Tea Stains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard but I’m actually really happy with how it turned out!

Nini climbed the stairs, the carpet absorbing the sounds of her footsteps. Reaching the top, she headed towards her room to join Red and Kourt noting the sudden lack of laughter. Hand on the door, she jumped at the abrupt screech that echoed out from her room and into the silent hallway. Her hand on her chest she tried to control her beating heart and eradicate breathing.

“Shhh!” A voice whisper shouted. Jumping a second time she slapped a hand over her mouth to keep the squeak the wanted to escape, in. 

Interest peaked, she slowly removed her hand from the handle and tip toed a step back from the door. She angled herself to lean against the door frame, just far enough back so that neither Kourt nor Red could see her through the slightly opened door. 

Red peaked towards the door before allowing his words to flow free. Like word vomit he recounted everything that had happened, from the minute the bell rang to the minute he ran out the door of his own house like a certifiable lunatic. He mentally face palmed as he thought about how stupid and completely conspicuous he looked running out of his own house. 

“So, I said ‘you, Gina? _Wheee.’_ right? And like—“

Kourt held up a hand. Head tilted she gave him a confused look. “I— wait, _wheee?_ ” She shook her head and jutted out her chin. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Feeling a sense of déjà vu, Red groaned, exasperated at having to explain again. “You know, like _wheee.”_

“Oh-kay?” Kourt had no idea what he was doing.

“Uggg fine,” he waved his hand. “Anyway! Ricky asked the same thing, I tried to explain and then he was like ‘wait, are you talking about Homecoming?’ And I’m—“

“Wait— Homecoming,” Kourt yelled, before promptly being shushed by Red. Quietly she bit out, “what about Homecoming?”

Red leaned in like he was about to drop the biggest bomb ever. “That’s the thing I don’t know. Ricky let it slip though that something happened.”

Kourt leaned back, not amused having expected the-world-was-ending news. “Really? That’s it?”

“No! You don’t get it—“

“A lot of stuff happened at Homecoming, Red.”

“Kourt-“

“Red I really don’t think—“ Red slapped a hand over Kourt’s mouth. Because the news he had was big, maybe not big big but it definitely had the potential to be if today’s hug meant anything.

Stressing each syllable he spoke, “I was with Ricky _all night._ Like glued to his side, could-pass-as-his-date all night.”

Kourt struggled but finally stilled. For someone so willowy he sure was strong. Huffing, she raised a brow and gave in. 

Whispering, even quieter than before he dropped an actual bomb, “except at the end.”

Nini strained to make out the conversation, their voices suddenly much to quiet to hear. Ear practically touching the door she felt her grip slip. Catching herself, her fist landed with a light thump against the carpet, she held her breath and waited, unsure if they’d heard. 

A pause.

“Yo! Nini you coming?”

She pushed herself up and ran as fast (and as quietly) as she could down the stairs. Grabbing a can of Sprite, she yelled up “coming just getting a drink!” 

“K!”

Rushing back up the stairs she crept back down the hallway.

Red released Kourt from his grasp. 

Whispering so quietly now, Kourt asked, “an—.” She paused. Sure she heard something. Turning towards the door she called for Nini. _Where was she anyway?_ Sure, that any minute now the girl in question would bust through the door. “Yo! Nini you coming?”

“Coming just getting a drink!”

“K!” She called back. Turning back to Red she reiterated, “and?”

Red let out a deep sigh before responding, “he left with Gina. Gave her a ride home.”

Kourt tried to process but the words just felt like random sounds being smushed together.

_One blink, two blink..._

Her eyes grew wide as her brain rebooted and played catch up. 

“Hold the fuck up,” voice back to booming level Red quickly shushed her, again.

“Kourt!”

“Shit! Sorry, it’s just,” she pinched the bridge of her nose. “You’re telling me they... you think they could’ve of... and, oh my God.” She felt her face blanch at the thought. 

_Oh Neeners..._

Red blushed firey red at the insinuation. “I don’t know! He slipped up, I was talking about today but he thought I was talking about Homecoming.” He threw his hand out, “I mean, for all I know nothing happened!”

Kourt was very incredulous. If nothing had happened then Ricky wouldn’t have said anything. Hell, he’d thought Red had been referencing Homecoming when he’d been talking about earlier that day. Which meant that to Ricky, Homecoming was significant but today was just run of the mill, normal.

The thing was, absolutely nothing about today was normal. Spinning a girl around wasn’t “just being friendly,” neither was hugging said girl the way he did. 

So if today wasn’t significant to Ricky, then what grand thing happened at Homecoming to be so considered significant.

Of course, sure. Red could be right. Maybe nothing happened, but Kourt wasn’t that optimistic. If anything, she was preparing for the worst. Best case scenario absolutely nothing happened. He drove her home, dropped her off, then left. Worse case scenario... _yeah._

Suddenly remembering that Red hadn’t finished his story— she blushed as she realized she’d interrupted him, “wait, wait, wait what happened after he mentioned Homecoming?”

“Oh, yeah! So, anyway I’m like ‘no?’ And then he’s like ‘oh.’ And I’m thinking _Oh? What is that supposed to mean_ but then I realized like _what’s up with Homecoming?_ So I’m like ‘wait what happened at Homecoming. And I shit you not this boy plays dumb and is like, ‘what?’

“He didn’t!” Kourt feeling insulted on behalf of Red. Playing dumb was a game none of them enjoyed because, seriously, what was the point. Like someone knows. What’s the point in trying to continue hiding? 

Let’s just say, they’d all learned the hard way that them and playing dumb just did not mix. Kinda like Ricky and prying. 

Honestly, Kourt was shocked Red had learned so much but then again, he always had a way with getting them to open up.

A useful skill they’d discovered back in sixth when Ricky had found out Nini had had a crush for months but had failed to share. 

Not that she was required to tell them anything, but come on. Nini hadn’t even told Kourt. To say the least, Kourt had been just a little hurt. But that wasn’t the issue. 

No, though Kourt felt hurt, she still knew it wasn’t really her decision or her right to guilt Nini into telling her.

She’d actually found out on her own by accident, though Nini hadn’t been exactly subtle. 

They’d been hanging out one day and had decided to go for ice cream. There was this new family owned business that had just opened up in town and apparently they had a 14 year old son working the till. And after witnessing the flirt-fest that day, it was very obvious to Kourt who the mystery crush was.

But that also wasn’t the issue.

No, the issue and hurt occurred when Kourt finally decided to ask Nini about it and instead of just saying something along the lines of “I’m not ready to talk about it” she’d played dumb, denying it all.

The issue wasn’t Nini not being ready or not wanting to tell, the issue Kourt had was that her best friend had just straight up lied instead of just saying how she really felt.

Anyway, things just escalated from there the more Kourt pushed for the truth the more Nini played dumb. 

The two didn’t talk for an entire school week. A whole 5 days, the longest they’d ever gone without talking was 1 night (I.e talk, go to bed, wake up, talk).

It was Red who was their savior in getting them to talk and explain to each other their side of the story. Red really was the best top dog under dog. 

Outside the door, Nini waited. But with only the silence to keep her company, she began wondering what she was doing. 

She couldn’t hide behind doors, physically and metaphorical. If she wanted Kourt and Red and, hopefully, Ricky to start giving things to her straight, she had to put on her big girl panties and face things head on.

_No more running._

Pushing the door open, Nini squared her shoulders and entered.

_She got this!_

Stepping into the room she froze as both heads turned towards her, eyes wide and wearing guilty expressions.

Slightly shaking from her nerves, she gave a small smile. Though she was sure it was obvious how out of place she felt. Like she’d just walked in on the adults talking and she was still a child. Except, it was time she leveled up and joined the adults table. 

Tentatively, she approached them, questions in her eyes, “guys?” Her eyes bounced back and forth between the two, it being very obvious she’d walked in on an important conversation as well as the fact they both continued to talk just silently.

“Hmm.”

“Yeah?”

Slowly, unsure if she really wanted to know, she asked, “whatcha talkin’ about?”

Without skipping a beat they shouted at the same time,

“Skateboarding!”

“Makeup!”

Heads snapping towards each other and back to Nini they switched,

“Makeup!”

“Skateboarding!”

Kourt slumped, mumbling to herself, “shit.”

Despite the slight sting Nini felt in her chest from the fact they felt she was incapable of hearing whatever it was that they were talking about she couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle.

Moving across the room she jumped up onto the bed and situated herself between the two. Giving a forced smile she asked, “just tell me?”

“I don’t know Neens... it’s kinda a lot.”

Grabbing her best friend’s hand she gave it a squeeze, “I know Kourt, but I need to do this. I need to know.” Using her other hand, she reached for Red, giving his hand a similar squeeze. “Thank you guys for looking out for me, but—“

Kourt smiled ruefully, “we have to let you stand on your own two feet... yeah, we know.” Falling backwards Kourt came to terms that Nini wasn’t the same girl she was when they’d met and had needed someone to stand up for her.

She really was the most amazing best friend. 

Nini’s eyes faultered, “just give it to me quick. Like ripping off a band aid.” Bracing herself, she closed her eyes and mentally prepared for the worst case scenario.

....

Peaking, she opened one eye. “Guys?”

Confused she took looked back and forth between the two, while they just looked at each other. Their eyes sparkling with unreleased laughter. 

“What?”

They burst out laughing, Red’s face turning a bright cherry red while Kourt lifted her free hand to cover her shit eating grin, “what? What’s so funny.” Releasing their hands Nini crossed her arms.

Falling over each other, Kourt wiped at her eyes, unable to breath without dissolving back into fits of hysterics 

Red was the first to pull himself together, batting at Nini he choked out incredulously, “Nini, last time— oh my God I can’t breath!”

Pouting, Nini stared wide eyed unsure what she said that was so funny. Kourt tried to fill her in, “last time we ripped a band aid off, you—“ she lost it.

Rolling off the bed, Nini placed her hands on her hips. In true diva fashion she stomped and glared. “What is so funny!”

The scene looked like two kids being scolded by their teacher, the two tried to get control. 

Gasping, Kourt settled. “Neens, babe last time we ripped a band aid off for you, you passed out.”

Blushing at the embarrassing memory, Nini scrunched up her nose, ready to defend herself, “it was a lot of blood!”

But this only caused them to fall back laughing again.

“Uggg. Whatever.” Nini stuck out her tongue. It was pretty funny. Not that she’d admit it aloud or anything.

Smacking the ginger, Kourt let out a shuddered breathe. “Ok sorry sorry, right the news.”

“Yeah?” Nini was trying to be patient but the longer they held out on telling her whatever it was that they’d found out, the more her stomach knotted and butterflies formed to buzz annoyingly against her rib cage. 

In short, she was about to lose it.

“So, uh... you saw them today, right? That hug?”

She nodded. Because yeah, she had seen them. She’d just had hoped that it was nothing but clearly it wasn’t nothing, otherwise they wouldn’t be sitting there having this conversation. 

Kourt decided to just spit it out. “Well, I had Red ask Ricky about it.”

Red added in, “except I ended up finding out something else.”

“Ok...” Face twisted into a grimace, she let out a nervous laugh.

Kourt sucked in a large breathe. “Anyway so, I told Red to pry, right? So, Red pries. The thing is when Red asked about today Ricky thought he was talking about Homecoming night.” Nini nodded along unsure why any of it really mattered. “But he wasn’t, obviously he was talking about the hug. Anyway, when Red asked what happened at Homecoming, he. played. dumb. _And,_ told him to and I quote ‘leave it.’”

They never played dumb. It was a very much spoken rule.

Ricky and Gina.

Playing dumb.

_Oh._

She slowly slumped over, like a sad ice cream cone she melted into the bed. Grabbing a nearby pillow, she just kinda shut down as she hugged the pillow to her chest.

“Oh Neens, it’s ok. We still don’t know what happened.” Parroting Red’s earlier words, Kourt added, “I mean, for all I know nothing happened.”

Nini’s didn’t want to cry but the longer she let herself think it, the more her thoughts spiraled into dangerous territory.

Ricky and Gina.

Gina and Ricky.

He found someone else.

What was worse, she couldn’t blame him, only herself. She’d been the one so blinded by anger and hurt that now, she was too late. He’d moved on, found some else.

Hell! She’d been the one to “move on” first she had no right to be sad. 

But...

She was.

She imagined them together, all the mundane things she and Ricky had used to do but instead of her, the figure holding his hand was Gina.

Walking to the skate park where Ricky would insist she ride despite falling every single time.

Late night phone calls where he’d sing to her, just for her and no one else, to help get herself to sleep.

When he’d pull her into his chest, letting his arms wrap around her back and he’d murmur the silliest stuff against her hair.

And she was crying. Terrible, choked out sobs that left her chest hiccuping up and down, trying to suck in air. Her body shook with the force of her sobs. Tucking her head against the pillow she tried to hide herself.

Kourt didn’t know why the girl tried to hide. It was a lot to take in. To many what if’s and unknowns, she had every right to feel like her world was on the brink of crumbling. 

Ricky was her “it.” No one else.

Slowly her breathing evened, until it was just Nini hugging the pillow and her silent tears.

Nini murmured against the pillow, her voice scratchy from crying. “I’m sorry for how I handled things with Ricky. And for how I made it seem like you guys had to chose sides.”

The words hung in the air, a silent agreement that no one had to say anything but that they accepted the apology all the same.

Red raised a hand, “I’m sorry for not trying harder to encourage Ricky to explain, Nini. And for not telling you the reason he ran, despite knowing the reason. I guess I just felt, really trapped. Like I’d be betraying him if I told you... but that really doesn’t make sense since we were supposed to be on the same side.”

Nini reached out a hand to stop Red, before he worked himself into a tizzy. One spiraling mind was enough. It wasn’t his fault. There was no winning situation. To be honest, if Red had told her, while she’d be thankful for the insight, she’d be upset at him for telling her something so private. If Ricky had wanted her to know he’d of told her. Either way, it wasn’t one persons fault. At the end of the day, it wasn’t Red and Kourt’s responsibility to fix their relationship. It was theirs, and since they weren’t able to fix it... maybe it just meant they still had to work on themselves.

With puffy eyes she gave a very pathetic smile, hoping that despite the morbidity of her smile, that it offered him some comfort. 

Kourt absorbed their words. It felt like a balm to their mending friendships. “And I’m sorry for,” she sighed as shame assaulted her. It being ten times worse admitting it aloud rather than just thinking it. —for cutting you off Red. I know things happen, and sometimes we can’t stop it but I just... I should’ve—“ she wiped at her eyes. “I should’ve stood and fought. But all I did was add gasoline to the fire and looked on like just because I didn’t start the fire that made me blame free and I’m so sorry Red. And Neens, I know shit was bad but I should’ve helped keep the group together while you healed. And—“

Red hugged Kourt. He’d missed her so damn much. His smile turning into beaming grin before changing to full on belly laughter. 

_They’d fucking done it!_

Just 1 to go...

**Author's Note:**

> This is a stress relieving drabble series. I plan to add more chapters but it may be sporadic :)


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